“Any guy with a normal constitution would have run after her. Me I didn’t move. Or, rather, it’s the train that moved. I just let it.” Russian Dolls.
Thus I’ve been to Holland for two weeks to celebrate my birthday. However nothing went the way we planned it.
There’s something about the impending feeling before a big storm that makes you feel alive.
“Age only matters if you’re wine, cheese or scotch.”
So yeah, this trip has been slightly particular, people I used to care a lot for have managed to disappoint me as a birthday gift.
One should never put anyone on a pedestal. Some things should remain in the range of memories or maybe even fantasies.
And I guess that being someone easy to love makes you incompatible with something that lasts.
Generally speaking, I think that people just don’t know how to be in a relationship, how to behave, I find it ridiculously sad. And this one is for many people around me.
But whatever, I’m not here to settle accounts. As they say in Spanish “Hay que perdonar y perdonarse para pasar pagina”; “One must forgive and forgive oneself to turn a page.”
Put on a killer track such as the following, turn your back to what your consider being no longer part of your life and turn up the volume.
Let go and let yourself go, music never betrays you.
The other day, watching a documentary about backpacking, I picked up a fun quote from some random traveller:
« On the road your relationships happen a lot faster. I met a girl, I was with her straight away and our relationship went from honeymoon, to couple, to she’s driving me crazy we’ve gotta break up within four days!! »
Shit happens every once in a while I guess, just makes you appreciate even better your true friends.
Only the problem is – if you remember well – my job at the hostel ended up making me more than tired of making new encounters…
When I left 3 years ago, hell was the French. Now it is the travellers who compare their stories and achievements. OVERDOSE.
In fact I’m just tired of saying the same thing twice to two different people. At first it was only in the context of a new encounter, but now it’s extended to everything…
Comes to a point that I understand mythomaniacs; in fact it is just not to get tired of their own lives (as good or bad as they may be) that they invent stories or eventually “polish them” on the edges. Hell is other people.
The hostel we’re staying at downtown Amsterdam is quite good in itself but the smocking area is desperately full of walking garbage… Sorry to be that crude but some day it got to a point that the following sentence went through my mind:
“People disgust me and exhaust me. I just dream of interesting and unusual people. My plan is to dance until everything is resolved.”
“My mother always told me if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
And some people wonder why I’m so quiet around them.”
So tell me something, what’s to be done in such odd situation?? Well I just decided that a few fucks would not get me down and spoil my Amsterdam Birthday ’13.
So from that moment on, I would go on my own and it would be all about me and what I initially came for: chill, take perspective and most of all get high as fuck, no matter what.
So here we are, I’m Amsterdamned for good, slowly drowning in hazy reflexions and I suddenly have hard-core reminiscing about the past three times I’ve come to this city; life is an approaching farewell.
Warning : some parts of what you’re about to read are based on notes I’ve taken on my cell phone whilst being really high on diverse stuff; those were my well-deserved vacations, don’t ask.
“A forbidden fruit from the lost world. An extremely visual and colourful adventure through all dimensions simultaneously. Recommended for experienced travellers.” Greetings from Atlantis.
“Forbidden fruit” wasn’t meaningless, what I ignored is that this dangerous black magic had the power to reopen wounds from the past.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Enjoy your mistakes.
Before to head back to my mountains and especially after this summit of sin I’m currently reaching in Amsterdam, I’m purposely trying to put myself off drugs by abusing of them. A mean like any other.
“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning and that’s the best they are going to feel all day.”
Generally speaking, I spent quite a lot of time lost in my thoughts during this trip, staring at people in coffee shops; I love those moments of communicative silence between two random stoners.
What I love the most is that after five months of a “full speed life pace”, time has finally stopped when lost all by myself in a corner of the trippiest coffee shop of Amsterdam.
For here or to take away? This could have been the title of this chapter.
“Dancin on, doin the boogie all night long
Stoned in paradise”
And when I sobered up, after some hallucinations took me in an igloo on some northern ice floe (…), after the smoke has dissipated, it suddenly all became crystal clear; I knew that my next step would be L2A.
L2A is a stunning ski resort near my hometown; it’s one of those towns that I still have a score to settle with. I just found out that what I wanted now was to go get a job in any ski resort back home for the winter season in order to save up money to finance my upcoming trip: Canada & eventually the States. Besides I bloody miss the snow after those two years of summer…
I have a dream today, and I’ll do everything in my power to achieve it.
And for the very first time in over three years I was really excited about the idea of going back to France.
In the hallway of the airport after having stubbed out the very last joint of a spooky serie, I suddenly felt like this flight was finally taking me home after three years spent wandering the world… What a feeling… So far I was usually catching flight back to France once or twice a year more like “a duty” towards my family but not this time. I actually meant to come back. The end of an era, a new page was being turned out there.
Return to live in France after 40 months spent abroad; what if the real change was all about this now??
Anyways, my 4th “mini-life” is well and truly over now, and to me it only means one thing; my 5th move is about to start and I’m just so excited about it!!!
The other day someone special told me “Lucky you are to be able to build up your own little paradise wherever you are”, just hope this is gonna last..! =)
“Life is a river. A beginning, an end, a million different ways in between.
And no matter what direction or how it’d move or what it’d look like, the point was that the river always moved forward.”