LXIX/ Honor the space between no longer and not yet

Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”

These days I realize why peace can be such a fragile thing in a world filled for most with creatures driven by selfishness, ignorance and carelessness. You know there are a number of conflicts where both sides are wrong. Sometimes you’ll even see conflicts where one side isn’t even aware that there is one.
The point is that they can steal all they like from you, they’ll never rob your ability to start things over. Of all kinds of fights I can chose from, I’ll always pick the flight forward.

Although you should know that it’s okay to be selfish. To a certain extent, especially if it’s your happiness that is on the line. You should be doing things today that make you happy and contented rather than sad and annoyed. Sometimes you just gotta tell everyone off and start doing something good for yourself. Quit trying to be complete, qui trying to be perfect. Try and aim for inner peace and serenity instead.

“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”

Because I love what I do for a job, I just adore to get ready for work every morning – my little ritual – put all my gear on, check the weather , stick my arm through the window to feel the temperature, hang my knife and my pliers on my belt… Yes, it is an art form in itself to get into that cowboy spirit each and every morning.
Shit, wasn’t that just me starting to love routine?!
Whatever man… These days I’m restless like never before, I’m everything and its opposite, I have an overflow of energy flowing through my veins and, damn, that’s good to feel so alive and kicking again.

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

Because matter of fact, I got no more major problems since I adopted this new lifestyle, I embrace serenity and freedom. Most of my thoughts being absorbed by the good feeling that there’s always more to learn with that job. I think I realized I had become a proper cowboy the day I started to mechanically stub out my cigarettes with my bare fingers without feeling a thing.

“I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.”

Because to the least once a day, I tell myself that I love what I do, because I feel pride when I sit on my tractor with my earmuffs on, protecting me from that noisy world around. Because I’m being a great friend to myself these days. To think that three months ago I knew nothing at all about this job and after all that hard work I put on, after all that sweat, all those sacrifices, all those long hours, all those scars on my body, all that perseverance, all those 12 day-in-a-row weeks, I just got promoted to qualified farmer. The title, the much better daily tasks, and the salary bump that goes along with it. I’m not gonna lie, I’m awfully pride for I truly earned it, I genuinely fought hard for it. I gave nothing away and I made no concessions to achieve that goal. To be frank, I don’t remember the last time I ever fought so hard for anything in my life. Keep going. Each step may get harder, but don’t stop. The view is beautiful at the top.

Ultimately what matters most is how well you walk through the fire. If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.

“Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best.”

I feel like now that I found my dream job and got good at it, I can at last make time to focus on other things. For some reason there’s that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs thing that just popped up in my head. Remember? That pyramid that goes from the most fundamental levels of needs at the base (physiological, safety…) to the need for self-actualization at the very top. I have to say, at the moment I feel like I reached the top probably for the first time in my life. Instead of just chilling like everybody else on my very rare days off after a looong work’s period, I now take “very demanding” hikes in the mountains by myself, hours away from my place. The kind of things that the old me from just a couple years(/months?) ago would have never really done spontaneously.
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

“The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”

You should know that if you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. Strength comes from struggle. When you learn to see your struggles as opportunities to become stronger, better, wiser, then your thinking shifts from “I can’t do this” to “I must do this.”

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

What struck me those days is that since I know who I am, what I want, where I’m at and where I’m headed, I just don’t need anyone anymore. They say everybody in your life is there to teach you something. I guess you just don’t need anybody once you are whole, once you don’t really need any more answers. Shit, that’s such an odd realization. All I need to be happy these days is my peace and quiet.

Another thing I’m more and more aware of is how pretty madly obsessed with time I’ve become. My greatest daily struggle is to make sure that nobody steals a minute of my precious time. I feel like what I do with my time is mine to decide and mine only. I’m aware that I may be taking it a little too seriously but what do you want, time is such a valuable thing, if not the most valuable thing of all. Because you can sell your time but you cannot buy it back again… Now just take a minute, sit back and think this through.
Life itself is a time bomb, and this is nothing new. Tic tic tic… Thank you for granting me some precious minutes of your time.

“Let me be granted the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I’m not heartless. I just learned to use my heart less. My beard has never been so long and so does my hair. Gosh, I’m turning into an antisocial bear and I’m aware of it. Well in fact, despite every misanthropist thing I can write, I’ll have you know that I’m not anti-social, I’m anti-idiots. Only issue is that I consider the world to be filled with a good 80% of those creatures, no wonder why the slim 20% leftover tend to blow a gasket and close in on themselves.
I truly wish I was wise enough not to care about them at all, but I just haven’t reached that stage yet I guess and it feels like it’s not gonna happen anytime soon. I found it kinda funny when I found out that one of my dearest friends is a smart misanthropist that has given up on the idea of killing everybody else on the planet when his rational brains sadly reminded him that an entire life wouldn’t suffice to take them all down. This one I could have thought of myself.

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”

To live in the countryside truly is the best kept secret to happiness. And it must remain a secret for if all those urban sheep were to find out, there simply wouldn’t be enough space for us all to blossom out here. Some people are just so far behind in the race that they think they’re leading. And as Aristotle said “whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god.” Last time I checked, I was still an atheist. Antisocial bear, is that you I see in the mirror?

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. ”

All my life I’ve always hated to be called ‘young man’, I always found that kinda degrading and perhaps also slightly irritating. But to tell you the truth, now that i’m getting called ‘sir’, I wonder whether that does not freak me out even more. Jeez, be kind, just don’t call me at all, ok?

But for now, I just won’t let anyone wake me from this sweet dream; turning 25 was by far the best thing that has happened to me in ages. I matured so much I barely recognize myself and I’m purely and solely breathing happiness. I’m grateful for I sincerely couldn’t have dreamed of a better 5 years to begin my twenties with. Go me.

“When I was 7 I wanted to be 8. When I was 8 I wanted to be 12. When I turned 12 I just wanted to be 18. Then after that I stopped wanting to be older. Now I’m ticking 16-24 boxes just to see if I can blag it! I feel like I’ve spent my whole life so far wishing it away. Always wishing I was older, wishing I could remember and wishing I could forget too. Wishing I’d gotten to know my grandparents more, wishing I’d waited and wishing I’d hurried up as well.
Today I’m making up with myself. Making up for lost time. Making up for everything I ever did and never did. But I haven’t got time to hold on to the crumbs of my past like I used to. What’s done is done. Turning 25 was a turning point for me, slap bang in the middle of my 20s. Teetering on the edge of being an old adolescent and a fully fledged adult, I made the decision to go into becoming who I’m going to be forever without a removal van full of my old junk. I miss everything about my past, the good and the bad, but only because it won’t come back. When I was in it I wanted out! So typical. I’m on about being a teenager, sitting around and chatting shit, not caring about the future because it didn’t matter then like it does now. The ability to be flippant about everything and there be no consequences. Even following and breaking rules … is better than making the rules. 25 is about getting to know who I’ve become without realizing. And I’m sorry it took so long, but you know, life happened.”

‘Turning 25 was a turning point for me, slap bang in the middle of my 20s.’ Damn, Adele, you took the words right out of my mouth..! So yes, your banking fees are gonna rise up – yes – you have become a man with responsibilities and from now on you are expected to behave as such – and yes – a third of your life is behind you now. But let’s look into the bright side here; car rental companies are gonna love you now! No more stupid young driver fees, ever. If that’s not a resounding call for more adventures I’m not sure what it is! And just between us, two third to go is always better than just one.

“A beautiful day begins with a beautiful mindset. When you wake up, take a second to think about what a privilege it is to simply be alive and healthy. The moment you start acting like life’s a blessing, I assure you it will start to feel like one. Time spent appreciating is time worth living.”

I wish you’re alright wherever you are and I wish you find your own path to happiness one day. I wish you find love and beautiful souls to connect with. I hope you never let the pessimistic ones drag you down. I hope you never cease to ask questions and I sincerely hope you fight hard for what you believe is right. I truly hope you never lose sight of that fierce adventurer you once believed you were back in the day. I wish you never run out of dreams, wild dreams with plenty of space to grow into them.
I wish you turn 25 the way I did.

“Honor the space between no longer and not yet.”


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